The difference between expectations and boundaries

We have all been through the “emotional pain” of being disappointed by something a man (or woman) in our life did or did not do, the latter being the usual culprit. And we all know the subsequent feelings of betrayal, anger and disappointment that follow and haunt us, taunting us for all we’ve got and for as long as we care to let them.

Yes, I’m exaggerating to make a point here, yet maybe not so much.

Is there really a difference? Can you have boundaries without having expectations? When you set a boundary for yourself aren’t you already expecting the people in your life to respect and act within the limits?

Being that they are two different words with different meanings, the distinction should be quite obvious. The reality however, is that most people can’t understand how one could be without the other. I didn’t understand it either till now. Say, if your boundaries are the big tickets like lying, cheating etc it’s obvious that you expect loyalty, honesty, respect from your partner right?

Well, turns out, you can have boundaries without expecting. See, if your boundaries are not respected in your relationship then you have no reason being there expectations or not. When you expect, you are constantly analyzing other people’s actions, and weighing your own reactions to these actions whether they be real or assumed. Lets face it, our judgments, coupled with emotions and feelings of being violated are not usually the most objective. Your partner is as human as they come and you have to trust them to not hurt you at least not intentionally. Instead of analyzing and expecting, learn to live for the moment. Do not deny yourself or the ones you love the joy of living by holding on to surreal expectations of a fairy tale. Life is not a fairy tale and nobody’s perfect. You are flawed just as much as anyone else.

Release your heart. Let go of fear, of all expectation, trust yourself and step into the unknown. This just might turn out to be a journey of blissful love and happiness for you. I realize that this is easier said than done.

I have been afraid to trust, to love and to give my heart to any thing that seems uncertain. Life is uncertain. I also realize now that that is the entire essence of living. It’s a choice you have to make daily if it doesn’t come of its own accord. A choice to see beauty instead of pain.